Who is on the call and how long does it run?
The match meeting is a video call held after you and the surrogate have read each other's profiles and both want to talk, and before anyone commits. On the call are:
- You, the intended parents.
- The surrogate, and often her partner.
- A Private Label Surrogacy (PLS) representative: Nancy Block, RN, or your case manager.
The PLS representative is there to keep the conversation on the decisions that matter and to make sure both sides hear each other's answers clearly. She is not there to sell either side on the match.
The call typically runs 45 to 90 minutes. Confirm typical call length. It is usually on video. In-person meetings happen later if both sides want them.
What should intended parents ask?
Ask open questions and let her talk. The goal is to learn how she thinks, not to test her.
| Topic | Suggested question | Why it matters | What to listen for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Family and support | Who helps you with your kids during appointments and after delivery? | Nine months of appointments need a support system | Named people and a plan |
| Previous pregnancies | How did your pregnancies and deliveries go for you? | Her experience shapes how she approaches this one | Openness, and consistency with her profile |
| Motivation | What made you decide to carry for another family? | Commitment through the hard weeks | A reason in her own words |
| Communication | How often would you like to hear from us, and how? | Mismatched expectations cause friction over nine months | A rhythm you can both keep |
| Transfer number | How do you feel about the clinic's recommendation on how many embryos to transfer? | It is written into the agreement | Agreement with your position |
| Termination and reduction | How do you think about the hard decisions if something goes wrong? | These views must match before a match is made | Clear, settled answers |
| Vaccination | Which vaccines would you take during pregnancy? | It is written into the agreement | A clear position |
| Appointments and birth | How would you feel about us attending appointments and the birth? | Her privacy and your travel plans | Comfort, not reluctant agreement |
| After the birth | What kind of contact would you like after the baby is born? | Sets expectations for years | Compatibility with what you want |
The termination, reduction and vaccine questions were already compared by PLS before you met. Ask them anyway. Hearing her answer in her own words is different from reading it. See termination and selective reduction clauses.
What will the surrogate ask you?
Expect the same questions in reverse. Surrogates commonly ask:
- How you came to surrogacy, and what your fertility path has been.
- About your embryos: how many, and whether they are tested.
- How involved you want to be, and how often you want to talk.
- Whether you plan to attend appointments and the birth.
- What contact you hope for after the baby is born.
- How you will tell your child about how they were born.
Answer as you would to a friend. She is deciding whether to spend the next year and a half working with you, and plain answers help her decide. For how to set a communication rhythm that lasts, see communication expectations.
What topics are off limits on the call?
Do not negotiate compensation or contract terms. Those are handled by the two independent attorneys after the match is confirmed. PLS publishes its compensation schedule, so she already knows what she will receive and you already know what you will pay.
Also avoid:
- Questions about her finances or her reasons involving money.
- Detailed medical questions better answered by Dr. Silverberg's physician summary and your clinic.
- Promises you have not thought through, such as a level of contact after birth you are not sure you want.
How do you decide afterward, and how quickly?
Both sides confirm separately, in writing, to PLS. Neither side confirms in front of the other. That gives each of you space to decide without pressure.
Most parents and surrogates decide within a few days. Confirm the typical decision window.
Before you confirm, talk it over with your partner. Ask yourselves three questions. Do her answers on the hard decisions match ours? Can we keep the communication rhythm she wants? Do we trust her to make good decisions when we are not in the room?
What if it is a no?
Either side can decline, without penalty. PLS continues matching. A no is not a failure of the meeting. It is the meeting doing its job, before contracts, escrow and medications.
If you decline, tell PLS what did not fit. If she declines, PLS will share what it can. Either way, the next search is sharper. For the full matching process, see how surrogate matching works.
Tips from PLS surrogates on the first meeting
Jenni Symons delivered as a gestational surrogate in 2019 and 2021 and now manages PLS matches; Natalie Gaudio-Fricano carried for an international couple in 2016. Both have sat on the surrogate's side of this call. What helps:
- Be yourselves. She is not looking for perfect parents. She is looking for people she can trust.
- Bring your partner's voice. If one of you does all the talking, she will wonder what the other thinks.
- Ask about her kids. Her family is giving something too.
- Say the hard things kindly and clearly. A clear answer she disagrees with is better than a vague one she misreads.
- Do not rush the end. Leave time for questions you did not plan.
Sources
- ASRM (American Society for Reproductive Medicine), guidance on gestational carriers. https://www.asrm.org
- SEEDS, Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy.