Does your partner have to agree?
Yes. If you are married or living with a partner, Private Label Surrogacy will not move forward without your partner's support. A stable home with a support system is one of the PLS requirements, and your partner is usually the center of that system.
Agreement is more than a signature. A surrogacy journey runs for many months and touches your whole household: appointments, travel, daily injections, a pregnancy, a delivery and a recovery. Your partner will drive you to the clinic, give you shots, take the kids when you are tired, and answer questions from neighbors. If your partner is against it, or only going along, those months get much harder for both of you.
So PLS asks about your partner early. At the intake interview, your partner is welcome on the call. If you are single or not living with a partner, the support you need still has to come from someone. See being a surrogate if you are single.
In a surrogacy journey, your partner does five things:
- Joins part of the intake interview and the psychological evaluation.
- Passes the background check that covers every adult in your household.
- Has infectious disease blood work at the clinic.
- Signs the gestational carrier agreement.
- Follows the agreement's conduct rules.
What your partner is screened for
The psychological evaluation. You are evaluated by an independent licensed mental health professional, usually by video. Your partner joins part of that session. The evaluator wants to hear how your partner feels about the journey, how you make decisions together, and how you will handle the hard parts, such as a failed transfer or the day the baby goes home with the parents.
The background check. Every adult who lives in your household is background checked, including your partner. A felony record or a pending case is disqualifying.
Infectious disease blood work. Your partner has blood drawn at the intended parents' clinic, or at a lab near home, to screen for infectious diseases. The screening protects the pregnancy and follows the clinic's standard for gestational carriers and their partners.
| Step | What your partner does | Time required | Reimbursed or paid |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intake interview | Joins part of the call | Part of a 45 to 60 minute call | Nothing to reimburse |
| Psychological evaluation | Joins part of the session | Part of one session | Paid by the intended parents |
| Background check | Signs consent | A few minutes | Paid by the intended parents |
| Infectious disease blood work | Blood draw at the clinic or a local lab | One visit | Paid by the intended parents; travel and lost wages reimbursed |
| Gestational carrier agreement | Reviews with your attorney and signs | One or two meetings | Attorney paid by the intended parents |
| Transfer trip | Travels with you, if you choose | Two to four days, including travel | Partner lost wages reimbursed |
| Delivery | Supports you at the hospital | Hospital stay plus travel | Partner lost wages reimbursed |
| Counseling | Attends sessions, if wanted | As needed | Paid by the intended parents |
What your partner signs
If you are married, your spouse signs the gestational carrier agreement along with you. In Illinois, the spouse's signature confirms consent and confirms that he or she is not a legal parent of the child. This statement is under review by counsel.
The point is to make parentage clear. The intended parents are the child's legal parents. Neither you nor your partner is. Your partner's signature closes off any question about that.
Your own attorney, independent of PLS and paid by the intended parents, reviews the agreement with both of you. Your partner can ask questions in that meeting. Read every clause together, especially the ones that affect your partner: conduct rules, travel, and what happens in a medical emergency.
Conduct rules that apply to your partner
The agreement includes rules for the household during the journey. Two apply directly to your partner.
Barrier protection during the cycle. During the medical cycle and the weeks around transfer, you and your partner agree to use barrier protection, such as condoms, or to abstain, as the clinic instructs. The exact wording in the PLS standard agreement is being confirmed. The reason is medical. A natural pregnancy during an embryo transfer cycle would put both pregnancies at risk, and would leave no way to know which embryo implanted.
No smoking in the home. You must be a non-smoker to be a PLS surrogate. The agreement extends that to your home, so the pregnancy is not exposed to secondhand smoke.
Your agreement may also cover travel limits, alcohol, and other conduct during the pregnancy. Your partner should know all of them, not only the ones that name a partner.
What your partner is paid or reimbursed
Your partner is not paid compensation. Your partner's costs are covered.
- Partner lost wages are reimbursed for the transfer trip and for delivery. They are calculated from documented net pay, the same way yours are. See surrogate lost wages.
- Travel for your partner, or another companion, on the transfer trip is booked and paid for.
- Counseling for your partner is available from an independent licensed professional, paid by the intended parents.
A first-time PLS surrogate carrying one baby receives a typical total package of roughly $68,000 to $78,000, built on $60,000 base compensation (proposed). Partner lost wages are reimbursed on top of that and do not reduce it.
Giving injections: the partner's most common job
Most surrogates have a partner give the progesterone in oil injection. It goes into the upper outer buttock, where it is hard to reach yourself, and it is given every day for weeks.
The case managers prepare partners for this. Natalie Gaudio-Fricano and Jenni Symons, who carry the active PLS matches, have both been surrogates and have done these injections with their own families. They show your partner how to warm the vial, draw up the dose, find the right spot, inject slowly and massage afterward. A video call for the first shot is fine. Plenty of couples ask for one.
Some partners are nervous about needles. That is normal, and it usually eases with practice. If your partner cannot do it, a friend or relative can learn instead.
Keeping the relationship steady through the journey
The hardest weeks for a couple are usually the medication weeks, the two-week wait, and the weeks after delivery. Lupron and estrogen can bring mood changes. The wait for a pregnancy test is tense for both of you. After delivery, you are recovering and your body is adjusting while the baby goes home with another family.
Things that help:
- Talk about the plan before it starts. Who drives to appointments, who handles the kids on transfer day, who gives the shots.
- Name the side effects. A few short-tempered days on Lupron are a known effect, not a personality change.
- Use the counseling. Sessions with an independent licensed professional are available to both of you, before you need them.
- Call your case manager. She has been through it with her own family.
Your children and extended family
Your children live with the pregnancy too. Telling them early and simply, in terms of helping another family, works best for most families. Your partner should be part of that conversation, so the children hear the same story from both of you.
Extended family and friends will ask questions. Decide together what you will share and what you will keep private. You do not owe anyone details about the intended parents.
For scripts, books and age-by-age guidance, read telling your kids and your employer. The rest of the support available to you is on surrogate support.
When you and your partner are ready, start with the prescreen: see if you qualify.
Sources
- Illinois Gestational Surrogacy Act (2005), Illinois General Assembly. Pending review by counsel.
- American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), recommendations for practices using gestational carriers, including screening of the carrier's partner.
- Private Label Surrogacy contract practice, pending confirmation by Nancy Block, RN.