What do surrogates read first in a parent profile?
The answers to the hard questions. Before a surrogate reads about your home or your hobbies, she checks whether you agree with her on the decisions that cannot change once she is pregnant.
After that, she reads for five things, in roughly this order:
- Agreement on the hard decisions: termination, selective reduction, number of embryos to transfer and vaccination.
- Honesty about contact: how much you want during the pregnancy and after the birth.
- Respect for her family and her time: a realistic view of travel, appointments and her life outside the journey.
- Evidence you are prepared: embryos made or planned, finances in order, a clinic chosen.
- Warmth that reads as specific: who you are, in your own words, not a template.
A surrogate is choosing a family as much as you are choosing a surrogate. She will spend the next year and a half working with you. Her criteria carry the same weight as yours.
| Section of your profile | What surrogates look for | Common mistake |
|---|---|---|
| About you | Who you are, day to day, in your own words | Writing a résumé or a sales pitch |
| How you came to surrogacy | A brief, truthful reason | A long medical history, or none at all |
| Your embryos and clinic | That you are ready, or close to it | Leaving it vague |
| The hard decisions | Clear answers that match hers | Hedging, or answers your partner has not agreed to |
| Communication and contact | An honest picture of what you want | Promising more contact than you will keep |
| Your family and home | Photos and specifics that show your life | Photos that show possessions rather than people |
Which decisions must align before anything else?
Four: the number of embryos to transfer, termination, selective reduction and, for many, vaccination.
These are the decisions that affect her body and your child, and they cannot be renegotiated mid-pregnancy. If your answers differ from hers on any of them, you are not matched. At Private Label Surrogacy (PLS), Nancy Block, RN, checks these before any profile is shown, so you will only see surrogates who already agree with you.
Settle these with your partner before you write your profile. See how surrogate matching works.
How much contact do surrogates expect?
It varies widely, which is why honesty matters more than any particular answer.
Some surrogates hope for a close relationship: weekly calls, parents at appointments, and a friendship that lasts. Others want a respectful, lighter rhythm: an update after each appointment and a photo at birthdays. Both are good matches for the right parents.
What surrogates do not want is a mismatch. Parents who promise weekly calls and then go quiet, or who expect daily updates from someone who wants space, create strain for nine months. Say what you want and mean it. See communication expectations.
What does 'respect for her family' look like in practice?
She has her own children, often a partner, usually a job, and a life that continues while she is pregnant. Respect shows in small, practical ways:
- Ask before you plan travel around her appointments.
- Remember her children. They are part of the journey too.
- Do not treat her as on call. Messages at 11 p.m. can wait until morning.
- Trust her with her own body. She will follow the agreement and her doctors. She does not need daily reminders.
- Meet her partner. Many surrogates' partners join the video match meeting. Include them.
What signals that you are ready?
Surrogates read for readiness because an unprepared family can mean months of waiting after match. Signals that reassure her:
- Embryos created, or a clear plan to create them. Some surrogates prefer embryos that are already PGT-A tested.
- A clinic chosen, so she knows where she will travel for screening and transfer.
- Finances in order. Surrogates care that the journey is funded and that you are stable. They do not select on wealth. Funding independent escrow before medications start shows the journey is real.
- Answers you and your partner agree on.
What to leave out of your profile
- A detailed medical file. Explain why you need a surrogate briefly and truthfully. She wants to understand, not read your records.
- Income, job titles and possessions. Surrogates read profiles for who you are, not for how much you earn.
- Pressure. Avoid language that makes her feel responsible for your happiness.
- Promises you cannot keep, about contact, visits or the relationship after birth.
- Compensation and contract terms. Those belong to the attorneys after match.
What our former-surrogate case managers tell parents
Both PLS case managers have carried as gestational surrogates, and they review every intended parent profile before it is shown.
Natalie Gaudio-Fricano was an egg donor three times before she became a gestational surrogate. She delivered a boy for an international couple in October 2016, after the first transfer succeeded, with his parents in the delivery room. Jenni Symons delivered as a surrogate in 2019 and in 2021. Both know what a surrogate is looking for when she opens a profile, because they have opened them.
When they review yours, they tell you what reads well and what does not. Expect their feedback to cover the points on this page: answer the hard questions clearly, be truthful about contact, show your actual life, and write to her rather than about yourself.
Add approved direct quotes from Natalie Gaudio-Fricano and Jenni Symons; get approval for each quote.
Surrogates notice warmth that is specific. One PLS surrogate described meeting her intended father this way: "He was so nice and caring, I knew he would be a great Dad right then and there." (PLS Surrogate "C"; confirm approval to reuse.)
Your profile is the first step to that conversation. Next comes the video match meeting.
Sources
- SEEDS, Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy, of which Nancy Block, RN, is a former President.
- ASRM (American Society for Reproductive Medicine), guidance on gestational carriers. https://www.asrm.org